Category: slop

  • The Grapes of Love

    The Grapes of Love

    Written by Qara-Tegin | قاراتگین | 哈拉特勤

    || 

    Bādshāh Aurangzeb ‘Alamgir ruled almost all of the Indian subcontinent.  It is that ‘almost’ which compelled him to clean up the map by asserting his rule over the last islands of sovereignty still independent from the reach of the House of Timur.  There, in the Deccan plain, Aurangzeb ‘Alamgir Shahanshah-e Hindustan would spend the final twenty-six years of his life working, planning, conquering, warring, besieging, wandering, and losing his soul.

    Despite the long years, the expenditure in blood and gold, the endless battles and grueling sieges, the campaign was by the most superficial of assessments successful.  On the eve of Aurangzeb ‘Alamgir’s death, the Mughal Empire would extend further than any other Indian Empire which claimed dominion over the subcontinent, extending perhaps further than the ancient Mauryas under Ashoka the Great. Under his reign and even a bit past his death the Empire would become the world’s largest economy, contributing just slightly under a quarter of the global GDP, if such a thing could be accurately estimated.  Closer to home, and more pertinent to the situation on the ground, the Deccan plain was, indeed, subjugated.  However, to paint the conquest as anything but Pyrrhic victory would be dishonest.  The Siege of Golconda in 1687, emblematic of the campaign as a whole, was an arduous eight-month affair against a nigh-impregnable fortress – additionally plagued by a conspiracy implicating members of the Imperial family.  Here, Aurangzeb’s forces even after extensive preparations and a large investment of resources could only bash their heads fruitlessly against the high walls and battlements of Golconda to be torn to pieces by grenades and their own failed strategies, further wracked by hunger until one Sarandaz Khan of Golconda, in emulation of the Jew, relieved their suffering by opening a secret backdoor for the besieging Mughals.  

    Twenty years of similar fruitlessness passed, as the old Shah’s roving tent city wandered endlessly throughout the Deccan plateau fighting bands of Marathas; conquering forts and cities of weaker Sultans and Rajas. All the while, haunted by plague and a constant dearth of food to support its hundreds of thousands of soldiers and camp followers and their pack animals, elephants, donkeys, and camels alike, the region was stripped of grain and coin to feed the roaming beast. Yet the old Shah would not order his army to return home; he himself would never return to his home in Delhi ever since 1681, choosing to persist in a campaign which in the words of historian Stanley Wolpert, would cost “an estimated hundred thousand lives a year”, in which “the expense in gold and rupees can hardly be imagined or accurately estimated”.  Aurangzeb, aged and frail, on his deathbed in 1707 would confess to his son through ragged breath “I came alone and I go as a stranger. I do not know who I am, nor what I have been doing.”

    It is a common thing for a man to be so taken by a purpose that they lose themselves.  Yes, the men who light a fire so bright their eyes could never turn away, and could never again see anything else should their gaze wander.  Aurangzeb was so taken by his dream so luminous and encompassing that the whole world seemed dark before its promise.  Yet, by the end, who could say the old Shah found rest?  That his dream was to build the strongest empire and to extend the reach of Islam, it would be more than a disappointing blow to the old Shah if he had learned in the afterlife that it is classically understood, at least in the west, that after his tenure, and indeed because of his protracted campaign in the Deccan and his more austere attitude towards the kāfir, the Mughal empire would begin its precipitous decline ending in the humiliation of his distant descendant, Bahadur Shah II, by a band of vengeful Anglos.  

    There are the many ascetics, the wise and supplicant who see the pain of the world and work to fix it, who journey into the great beyond and into the grove to find an answer to the great questions of man, to furnish life with worthiness.  Yet, there are many more who do not emerge, for they fail to see that the journey itself is not the purpose but that the journey brings the purpose! Surely, it would be foolish to make a sacrifice and not hope for the rain!  Does the good man not labour for a purpose? Protecting his loved ones, making them feel safe and secure, securing their happiness; in this does he not feel joy?  Indeed, Aurangzeb wandered the plain in a tent city that is neither hearth nor wilderness, languishing in the grove never to return home, no joy to be found from his sacrifice.  In the wake of that decision, his realm would crumble.

    How curious is it then, to find that Aurangzeb would be the only Mughal Emperor to abstain from the Drink.  Greater Kings of his dynasty than him, Jalaluddin Mohammad Akbar and Shah Jahangir amongst them, were known to enjoy wine and it is their efforts that built the strong and prosperous Mughal state.  Yet Aurangzeb, in a misguidedly inflexible adherence to most strict of sharia, turned from the Drink despite Abu Hanifa’s (the founding scholar of Aurangzeb’s very own school of fiqh, (al-Mukhtaṣar al-Ṭaḥāwī, 1:278)) clear legal opinion!  See, how when the Kings stop drinking, the realm should begin its decline.  A Muslim driven to view all history and all phenomena as the direct will of God, all natural events as God’s distinct decision would do well to examine this turn of events.  Those other Bādshāhān who understood that the joy of labour comes from its fruits, that no journey is worth the sweat and blood should one never again find home.  It is on the back of these more understanding kings that Aurangzeb could rush into the Deccan plain with such misguided determination to inadvertently bring desolation to the Takht-i Tāvūs.  

    Oh calamity, when facing you, though fear does beat my heart, this wine, the joy of life shields me. Libations, bringer of conviviality! The spark of love which drives men forward, to douse the flames when it has roared long enough, a true promise of the light of a lonely crystal lamp in the dark of night (al-Qurʾān, 24:35).  It is the gift after a long journey, offered by companions and enjoyed with lovers; a drop of red beauty on tulip-cheeks; the glory of liquid gold smoothed over the palate.  In the haze of joy, when one has conducted life well and proved themselves worthy, contentment blends in the amber gold and the sensuous red – the proof of their efforts in the smile of a friend; in the laughter of a newly-met acquaintance, in the coy glance from a lover across a silken room.  

    Khayyam! rejoice that wine you still can pour,

    And still the charms of tulip cheeks adore;

    You’ll soon not be, rejoice then that you are,

    Think how ‘twould be in case you were no more!
    – ‘Umar Khayyām

    The only king to reject the fruits of the mango tree he planted, choosing to stand in the fire ‘till his bones burned to pale husk, saw his realm die a slow death as he grew frail and forgetful of his soul.  Did he forget why he came to the Deccan plain? In his drive to conquer for conquering’s sake, he rendered his campaign, his reign, his empire, his strength, and his soul worthless.  Those who don’t drink, who never leave their asceticism don’t believe themselves worthy, and linger in it to feel worthy. They don’t believe they deserve the reward! How sad! See what destruction this lack of self esteem brings, it is in the manner of the involuntary celibate when dealing in matters of life! Surely, Akbar Sultan and Jahangir saw their works and felt worthy, and Rudaki and Shirazi felt worthy of their pieces.  Make no mistake, this is no escape, this is an affirmation! May God have mercy on those who find escape in wine! Yet, was Aurangzeb so consumed by his father’s undying preference for his brother Dara Shikoh that he felt unworthy of one drink? His posthumous name is Khuld-Makani,  ’One whose abode is in Paradise’.  Should he truly dwell in paradise, I seek no part in it if it too rejects the Drink, for it would be no true paradise.

    Heed this lesson, dear reader.  Remember the first day you gaze upon that high mountain, and remember the days after that day – for those who scale the high mountains only to stay at its peak are frozen corpses.  Bring the libations; feel its heat in your belly.  Find your tulip-cheeked lover; feel their joy.

    Oh Zealot! Fasting will not solve your woes,

    Break your fast with wine, every problem’s solved 

    Rūdakī

    Cheers! Şerefe! Santé! Be salāmati! 乾杯!  

    To those who partake!

     

    Sources:

  • Critical Doctrine of Iskra

    Critical Doctrine of Iskra

    Written by Wasps

    || 

    The iskraist mind is sick, aimless, and, unlike those around it, aware of both conditions. He is governed by three core factors; each of which continues a dampening on his abilities:

    The hypothetical hinge hook up, which I would like to make clear, has not occurred yet, save rare cases, looms large over the iskraist in inspiring fashion. This woman, who does not exist and, yet still has already passed over the iskraist, dictates his sense of self worth at the atomic level. No love may bloom without her. All cum spent is wasted and worthless outside her ass. You may see the iskraist eye up designer clothes or more expensive hair cuts in vain for never will they meet the woman of their dreams nor be worthy of her affections. Its back to the stone cold, VPN protected, state ID requiring torrents of Angela White going fuck wild on Hitomi Tannaka’s massive tits. 

    The urge to argue is natural as the pitbull. Similarly, it is most sated when killing small dogs. The urge to argue is the will to power; unending urge to say “Kill yourself, retard” and then get a handjob. Without the physique and CTE for MMA, the iskraist’s inexplicable calling for violence is resigned to seeking for a new exter, a greater prisman, to dunk on ceaselessly as the villain in their story. The issue becomes that the iskraist wants greater dunks and so studies more; wholly unaware that their prospective enemy has never read a book and thus has no interest in debating theoretical imaginary irregular geometric quantum irrational string patterning  sequences. The villain never comes, the story never ends, and the iskraist’s urge to fight moves elsewhere. 

    Finally, we all find ourselves entrapped by the need for a bigger name on our diplomas. We unlucky few confined to state colleges can only pray the meager life we eek out will be enough to leave fuckistan or shitropolis for somewhere with badder women to disappoint. Even those at the big name schools simply didn’t get the biggest name, and so, are severed from divine prophecies and condemned to mockery by the hypothetical hinge hook up. Her yet-to-be-seen gaze magically knowing Harvard rejected us for a Ukrainian. This yearning, and all three in truth, share the same root desire: to return to a simpler life. The teenage life of a reddit discord mod who knew everyone else was a blind, batshit retard that couldn’t appreciate their genius. This desire, which cannot be admitted for fear of ridicule from people seeking the same, is the true diagnosis of all iskraist worries. 

    Diagnosis demands perception, and no more potent medicine exists than stim addiction. 

    Rail that shit. 

    Hard. 

    Don’t stop shooting until the wood grain moves even when you’re sober. Think about walking your daughter down the aisle with visible snow so thick the crowd is made of pixel censored on-lookers reminding you of japanese paizuri POV porn. Get friends who will go to rehab after seeing how bad it’s gotten for you. Be their inspiration while shouting slurs at Denny’s. Imagine the future as nose bleeds and fat bank accounts until your heart gives out at 43 when your chud son finally hits the tee ball. The void left by aging cannot be filled but can be numbed. Numb it until you forget most of your memories and have nothing to compare your life to except that one friend who stopped talking to you after high school. Find love and rip lines off her pussy lips until your dick turns blue. Argue so incoherently the police are called. Get into that big school and forget every lecture after 18 hours of “studying.” Your dreams are in reach and never satisfactory. 

  • My Impression of Anthony Bourdain in Iskraserv

    My Impression of Anthony Bourdain in Iskraserv

    Written by Balls

    || 

    Wake up. It’s 10am. Don’t go to the gym – sleep in a bit more. Jack off. Can’t get it up. Pull out the sock from 2019. Rosa Luxembourg cutout over the front. Nice. Instantly get hard. Fuck it. Cum in fifteen seconds. Don’t pull out. Let it sit for a bit – you wanna keep moving, but not so fast you forget to look around you. Fuck it again, this time soft. Now you’re ready for the day.

    Check your laptop. Discord app dings – that’s adventure. One notification from Iskra. But you can’t see it. A prompt fills the screen asking for your government issued ID. You live in the UK. Fuck. New privacy law. That sucks. You put in your license details. Then you notice something. User, “ordo” rejoined. Needs to verify just like you. But they clicked the wrong button. Image of their ID gets put in the general chat. Click the photo. Zoom in. Horror. It’s Keir Starmer.

    Blind rage – that’s good, go with the flow. Cabinet. Take out a beer. Drink it. Drink another. Drink Three. It’s not enough to get most people even tipsy. But you’re a pussy. It fucks you up. Go to the living room. Roommate on the couch. The roommate is fat. The couch is damp. Doesn’t matter. Push them both aside. Find the weak spot in the floorboard. Pry it open. Metal box just below. Hell yeah – that’s your stash. Ignore the discord nitro Xbox live promo codes. Push aside the dvrt usb archives. Reach in. Go deep. Go 3.4 inches, hard. Your fingers find a handle. Then a blade. Still sharp, hidden to avoid the Blade Licensing Act of 2026. There it is.

    It’s clear now. The opportunity – two birds, one stone. One chance. Look at the ID again. Get the address. Put it in your GPS. Hop in your car. Drink again. Put the keys in the ignition.

    Travel isn’t always pretty. The journey changes you. But the destination is suddenly clear. Grip the knife. Grip the wheel.

    Enjoy the ride.

  • The Coward Seeks the Iskra.money Re-Import

    The Coward Seeks the Iskra.money Re-Import

    This address was delivered by Administrator Balls on August 3rd, 2025, to a large and enthusiastic crowd of supporters.

    When I started Chudgus.life, I knew I would encounter challenges. I sacrificed $11.87 to Namecheap for the domain and one month of hosting using offer code HOST25, and boldly devoted one hour of my time to changing the WordPress default template colors. Through all this, I pushed on, because I wanted the opportunity to create something new. In my visions I saw fields of green, abundant with enlightening literature crafted by the talents of the cesspit we call “Iskra.” This mission, I believed, was just and right, and my firm hard would temporarily break from Hinge swiping on my caseless, cracked (unrelated) iPhone 15 to guide it into existence.

    But every Great Man of history will inevitably encounter misguided opposition. Tesla had his Edison, Hitler had his Churchill, and the Black couple sitting next to me at the re-release of Revenge of the Sith had our otherwise silent movie theater. Now, I must reckon with the specter of Jacob Little.

    Mr. Little insists that I devote my time towards restoring the iskra.money archives. It is true that these files, which I graciously host on a sub-collection of Chudgus.life, are incomplete. Some suffer from formatting errors, missing images, or missing attributions. I do not deny these facts, nor do I believe this state of affairs is ideal. But what Mr. Little so jewishly misses is that, like the tip-based worker who served the black couple dinner before my Revenge of the Sith re-release screening, I remain uncompensated. And as a result, my time and effort is subject to limits. Oh, how I wish I could snap my fingers and restore the iskra.money archives in their entirety. But reality is not so generous, and thus I have to make decisions on how best to allocate finite resources.

    It was true that I was following in the footsteps of a former project, the hallowed “Iskra.money.” But when building something out of the ruins of old, only a fool would construct his bricks from the ashes. We must instead put the sum of our energies into new projects – new articles, new posts, and new collections. To look backwards is to deprive the future of our talents.

    And so I refuse to entertain this request. I will not put any more time into “polishing,” “re-importing,” “restoring the images to,” or otherwise working on the iskra.money archive at all. As the black couple who sat an unfortunate mere inches from me at the Revenge of the Sith re-release could attest, we must not let the old societal expectations hold us back from complete and honest self-expression. This is a new time. We must acknowledge the greats, but we can’t allow ourselves to become so bound to them that it encumbers our future progress.

    Thank you.

  • The Logi Question

    The Logi Question

    Written by Balls

    || 

    The Logi is born of fire, brimstone, and neoliberal Twitter accounts. The Logi is forged by half-read Wikipedia articles. The Logi, as a result, is a menace to police society and an impediment to productive discussion. What is to be done with such an individual?

    First, we must understand the Logi’s repulsive demeanor. By far the most striking feature is the unearned confidence, a cruel imitation of someone with reputation or intellectual caliber, but curiously lacking in either. On rare occasions when the Logi attempts to support their assertions with something besides blind arrogance, it post articles it does not read or studies it has not even bothered to summarize. What could explain this perplexing behavior? Well for a Logi, the conclusion of any such material is already a certainty, akin to a theological concept of predestination where the Logi alone has pre-divined truth. Thus, such links inevitably remain blue because their contents are already known! Such is the core essence of the Logi’s character: an unassailable belief that they alone see truth through a sort of unquestionable holy talent of sight, yet paired with the stubborn unwillingness to ever open their eyes to the truths. Because in their very personal universe, their own dreams and notions are more convincing than whatever mere suggestions could be made by material reality. The safety and comfort of the Logi mind palace is quite enviable!

    The Logi is incapable of admitting even the smallest mistakes, an assertion any third party will undoubtedly agree with in confidence after only three minutes of conversation. Whenever rhetorically pinned, he will wriggle and worm, like a snake or a jew, out of even the slightest acknowledgement of fault. First, the Logi will suggest that the mistake was never made. If by some miracle the Logi can see it has made an error, this was an error of dictation, not logic: thankfully, it was simply semantic! And if it was not semantic, then it was not material to the argument. A skilled orator might then attempt to argue the material relevance of the point at hand, but this is a mistake, because the Logi will simply pivot; connivingly asking why such focus has been allocated to only one statement when there are so many more to address. Every argument with such a creature becomes an impossible Gorgon, each head a falsity birthed from some neoliberal Twitter user or Soros-operated reddit account.

    To a Logi, good faith debates are not crucibles of truth from which reality can emerge, but venues where realities are brought in and used as hammers to bludgeon opponents into submission; not a space for compromise or productive conversation, but games of sport to wield predetermined conclusions like swords; not a buffet of worthy ideas, but a city sewer for one to regurgitate unread “facts” and misleading summaries in a drunken stupor. To a Logi, every discussion is in fact a devious trap where idiots and thieves mean to pry his golden calfs away from their protective mother. And so the Logi resists these things at all costs, by any means necessary, and must never permit himself to issue any sort of correction.

    I do not believe that anyone is originally or inexonerably of bad character. But what is to be done with such an entity like the Logi?

    The solution is obvious, and so this problem is left to the reader as an exercise in good judgment.